TO ALL OF “US”

See below what I wrote in reply recently to a devotee friend to whom I reached out to for some possible help in writing a book about my life with Adi Da. What I wrote applies to all Adi Da responsive human beings:

I have once again braved the waters to ask for help and in response I received negativity about Crane's sad story. This has nothing to do with me nor my circumstances. I am not comparable to him and his attempts to write a book about his relationship to "Bright" Adi Da. It feels to me that this response is more about you and your frustrations, which are understandable. I also feel this is painful and I am genuinely saddened by hearing this again. I know exactly what happened with Crane. So much for "good human company",  serving Crane, rightly?

The reasons I tread even more carefully in relationship to anyone I have had a history with in the context of the relationship with Beloved Adi Da is because honesty, trust and respect is not the obvious ground of our interactions. 

This has been vulnerably proven again and again in all my interactions with any devotee since I was 19 years old. Clearly this is not all that I experienced. But the sum total result of these historical interactions has not proven to be most auspicious for Beloved Adi Da nor any responsive being.

I am now going to be 70 in a week. My 71st year of living. Now 51st year as a "would be true" devotee. 

The principal indicator of these sad facts is how ego politics and errors (first 6 stages of life worth) are constantly being chosen and enacted instead of TRUE AND REAL heart integrity being exercised with one another intimately and globally. Mummery roles and games are still dominant. And we trap one another in this kind of dynamic rather than living IN recognition responsive devotion  for REAL. It's still EGO POLITICS as they always were being superimposed on  Beloved Adi Da and one another.

Now 2026 and this liability is worse than ever. It is being formally cemented rather than transcended. There are no effective checks and balances for ANY devotee that effectively serve recognition responsive devotion and responsibilities. Revisionism and deluded assumptions about being devotees and advancement and service games are the accepted norm being enacted by the entire collective gathering, all four congregations with a falsified governing authority at the helm.

The signs of  cultism manifesting as "ego self righteousness", thieving, lies, institutionalization, corrupted hierarchy, conflict, secrecy, "giving up" on rightening, "it is not possible ", "let's pretend rituals" and "fake it till we make" (conscious or not) attitudes prevail instead. These lies, among other "dark-light" egoistically active, pre-patterned  associations are the REFUSAL (BELOVED'S SUMMARY) related to doing what is required  to "straighten" ALL OF US to be in right relationship to Siddha Adi Da and His Gifted Means.

While I am grateful for how you have extended yourself to me over these years I am not able to trust that what we could do together will have integrity. I do not lack clarity. What is lacking is what I describe above.

I  am no longer able or willing to engage and offer what I can, given all the gifts I have been given (to pass along as Prasad), because I am always being drawn into the dramatizations of revisionism and refusal. The drama carries a warped demand with it that indicates acceptance of the failure of a True Adidam culture, community, mission, institution and recognition responsive relationship. This is not "Good Company".  I am literally sickened by it.

Both times I recently reached out, you responded in a way that set off red flags for me. The red flag being "this is not a relational dynamic to be drawn into and trusted". Wearing many hats that carry differing incongruent secrets is not a common ground that I feel OK to walk on. 

Silly me as I continue on occasion to test the waters, but find demands and complaints and rehearsal of drama becomes immediately obvious. I simply cannot and will not engage this way anymore. Mummery drama is not "His Play" nor Leela, as I assume you are very aware of. So why do we not do something altogether different and "right"? Wrong relationship. Very human matter at heart.

There is no lack of True Love here in defining what I can and cannot do. I respect the Radical Process implicitly and my fidelity is unwavering.  The HEART NEED for engaging in manifestly effective recognition-responsive devotion that offers gifts in the reciprocal process required for "BRIGHT"Awakening and Realization is intact. This cannot be compromised anymore. I am not an awakened guru or a leader or a member of any club. I am well in heart integrity. While symptoms of dis-ease are always having to be responsibly managed.  Being with "bad company" even as loving and successful in life as they may seem,  is not healthy or useful for "His Process" and being in service to Him. By "bad company" I mean all the devotees that surrounded Beloved over His lifetime and since, even as useful for Him, helpful and loving and successful in life they may seem. I am certain there are others who feel similarly to what I express here.

Most of the responsive beings who continue to associate formally (or are at the periphery) and attempt to serve in some capacity end up "selling their souls" in order to "hold onto my service" assuming "Beloved would want me to do this this way" or to receive something for themselves rather than bring Reality Truth integrity into all life actions and relations, in collective and right relationship to Beloved's Treasures. This Law, fulfilled, so that the action of literally (wholly possible) rightening of the collectively necessary resources and responsibilities SHINE into Life. Human Instrumentality is paramount and key. True Adidam fulfilling the 9 Laws.

Sadly these heartbreaking heart given intuitions, facts are obvious. The specifically developed clarity and given Heart "knowledge" of "being sensitivity" to what is and is not "right" have yet to be proven wrong. I look forward to being proven wrong.

To repeatedly point out the limits of insufficiency IS my GIVEN service. And I have to do so without zealous righteousness as if the criticism brought (Beloved's Words and point to examples of proof) does not apply to me also. I am not separate in any way from what is lacking. To stand firm and free while being disrespected is extremely challenging. Being ostracized from access to serve His Gifts is not me standing free and true. Not being LAWFULLY embraced nor respected nor enabled obstructs my ability to serve rightly. This is abusive. I am not able to compromise this direct Gift of fidelity to integrity and call out for it. All I can do is "reflect it" in all the ways I am able. And Nicks and my voice and images and links on www.evelynexposedandfreed are hardly enough nor effective in the face of the tidal wave of all of us mummers who have stolen Adi Da's Adidam and revised it to suit consumers and deluded seekers happy to rest on insufficiency that signs the collective is OK with being less than "Bright" Reality Truth Itself. 

I have zero energy and attention to indulge anyone in a debate about these facts anymore. To do so is a self-other abusive action I cannot do anymore. Lessons learned. Not OK. This is not confidential communication. I will post this letter, without referring to you by name. 

To grant "right and true" respect to people, roles and functions being enacted by "mummers" is not a form of true respect. True respect requires genuine honesty lived integrally and cooperatively with tolerance. I did not come to this "Bright" conclusion independently.