Commonly referred to as Julie Anderson (having been given many names and assumed many roles in my life), I am a very long-time devotee of Adi Da Love-Ananda. In recent times I have been actively trying to have a conversation with many devotees of Adi Da about the currently failing and ostensibly false state of Adidam (the gathering of His responsive devotees ) and the core “non-response” to Him and His Work more broadly.
To the frustration and heart break of many, this attempt to have an open and real conversation has been stifled and derailed at every turn. And now it seems most are agreeing to allow the sad import of this betrayal of Divine Reality and one another to remain in place.
See Beezone link below for more history about this present time Reality Consideration.
There is now certainty, that no matter who I speak to, how I say this, whatever I say, there will be both legitimate and fabled criticism and possible praise and gratitude.
What has been and is being expressed here, it is not about “me”. Making it about “me” or any apparent “other” is a diversion and a strategically manipulative way to avoid the direct Relationship to Him as a Parama Siddha Guru in Satsang and His fundamental argument about the ego act, often referred to in His Teachings as a closed fist, separate self-possession/point of view, Narcissus or Evelyn. I will be focusing simply on communicating Adi Da’s direct experience (as spoken and demonstrated by Him in countless ways) and the obviousness of His Confession, Revelation and Reflection in this regard. This is gratefully received as He stands merely and priorly present as Divine Being only and alone, not as an egoic other.
If I was in the cooperatively open and alive context of a truly authenticated culture of devotees of Adi Da, such interaction with one another is consistently required where real ecstatic and liberating Reality Consideration is essential. I long for this. But because that context as a culture of stable foundation and full recognition responsive integrity with capable and accountable governance does not exist yet, the conundrum of dialog and demonstration often becomes relatively limited, ranging from devotional, gratefully ecstatic, profound, insightful, intelligent, philosophical, brilliantly creative, passionately dedicated, generously loving, vulnerable, confessional, intuitively sensitive, loyal, trustworthy, heart bonded in Love, yogically adept, mystically aware, psychic, gleefully enthusiastic, humble, mature, immature, fundamentalist, delusional, socially superficial, confrontational, insider talk, outsider talk, argumentative, competitive, victimization oriented, co-dependent, abusive, manipulative, ass kissing, back scratching, gossipy, chaotic, confused, traumatized, scapegoating, false cultic nonsense, etc.
It is a paradoxical sticky trap seemingly frozen in time and point of view as a drama of self imposed errors that stealthily and even unconsciously depicts the ego act of the first 6 stages of life. This is because the direct heart intimate recognition response Adi Da Called for, up until the day of His Mahasamadhi and since then, has yet to manifest as a humanly mature and responsible collective agreement and demonstratively accountable gathering with right governance, leadership and participants doing likewise. The formal structures of Adidam have revised His Teaching and are presently being set up, via uninspected ego agendas, corresponding to the first 6 stages of life, to be impenetrable and do not allow this obligatory collective consideration. Adi Da Asked for this transformative global convocation to happen within the last year of His Life. Refusing to do this is a dramatization and debate that is continuing to create more and more factions amongst individuals and groups of devotees, interested, curious and responsive individuals globally.
The difficulty for “me personally”, by virtue of how Adi Da is moving me to speak and keep alive as a focal point of absolutely essential consideration, is the most difficult yet paradoxically unparalleled and liberating aspect of His Communication, Revelation and Transmission. Criticism of ego act; the insight into and dissolution of the ego act as pre-patterned repetition of presumed separate self-dynamic-duality. This is not readily nor easily palatable, unless one is willing to be directly sensitive to Adi Da’s Direct Person and Word about His personal human experience, while bodily alive and even now, to our root “non-response” based in a lack of recognition of Him; As Is. There are many insidious taboos surrounding such a response, confession and demonstration. This necessity of understanding the criticism of the ego act and how this false illusory identity dissociates all beings from His Bright Being manifest as Prior Unity is what made and makes His Incarnation necessary and unique, based in His Blessing and Transmission As the Bright, the non-dual Nature of the Divine Reality Person and True Self of all.
I will likely be “slaughtered” so to speak (which has actually occurred historically and in all traditions and is still so today), for championing Divine Wisdom about the ego act as I am choosing to do so now, by sitting in no camp at all on this site, yet also clearly not independent of His never before spoken, radically insightful criticism. I am already being targeted, demonized, marginalized, gossiped about blah blah. This runs off easily. The sad part is that these conclusions are not well informed. These attitudes are passed down "from the top" authorities! It is embarrassing, not for myself, but for the whole that these covertly aggressive actions are not obvious as abusive and thus addressed and brought to an auspicious resolve. Unfortunately, and painfully observed, other long-time elders and devotees have already suffered repercussions for speaking up over the last 15 years in particular. Necessarily, I am no longer able nor moved to keep having endless fruitless conversations with those who are not open to this critical consideration. These dialogs are often grossly reactive, blindly fundamentalist, puritanical, self-protective, club oriented, dishonest, even at times humanly immature, manipulative, deceptive, not awake (it seems) in root self understanding and clearly unwilling to organize a different response, in enough numbers, on the basis of this sensitivity to Him and His direct experience. This may sound obnoxiously righteous, yet I humbly bear that blow as tapas, in gratitude, fully prostrated in service to Bright Heart Love.
I do not care about being agreed with, criticised, appreciated, set up, targeted, disliked, ignored, scapegoated or intruded upon by dark forces; I already do feel these reactions consistently. I am not looking for attention nor love nor status. I am eternally bonded in fidelity to Him in His Love Light Being. This certainty is sufficient. I do live in a sphere of in-Love Yoga and intimacy I can trust. I am not speaking anything other than what He has said about His direct experience in summarizing the “non-response” of all beings; not just formal Adidam insiders and outsiders, myself included.
I am choosing to communicate alone via this site in light of this collective “non-response” we have experienced in attempting to have a consideration with enough devotees who would be willing to come out of the closet, be known by all and choose to join together and come into an open dialog about the lessons of errors and misuse of Adi Da, His Word and His direct experience rather than the revisions, mythology and cultic factions that are being created around His life of incarnation and continued Bright Coinciding. At least “evelynexposedandfreed” is an avenue for an unbridled voice, in fidelity to Him as Bright Being, having been deeply sensitized to and thus understanding “His Shout”. All the previous attempted ways of keeping this “exposure of Evelyn”, our ego act errors, and a possibility to grow in summarily root self-understanding alive, have collectively failed thus far. This offering is responsive to Him, an all-consuming passion that must be embodied and voiced, sadly, some feel, it may be only for historical purposes.
Yes, this is an activist means to speak to what is being destroyed, revised, hidden, contained, owned and controlled by our collective errors. This act is not only destructive relative to Adi Da but also in relationship to any fully authentic, genuine, human, spiritual, transcendental and divine heart means throughout time and in the present, even as different as they are or may appear.
If the Leela of Lessons, “His Shout” is not kept alive, considered in detail, understood and gone beyond individually and especially collectively, there cannot be any stable foundation as His 7th Stage Way. Nor will we be an anchor for Him here in this red yellow realm as the Bright and we will enact minimal capability for continued growth and evaluation that enables matured vessels for reception of His Transcendental Spiritual Transmission; therefore, no true advanced Culture or Process.
Many times throughout Adi Da's Life, He Expressed that His Treasures (Gifts) were being "stolen" from Him and used for egoic purposes. This continues to be graphically dramatized even as I write. This liberating insight is what makes Adidam a true esoteric culture rather than exoteric. Adi Da repeatedly warned us that His Coinciding with humanity will be of no consequential force if this is allowed and agreed to continue. As He said numerous times, “if you allow this you cannot rightfully call yourself my devotees”. If His Treasures (Gifts) survive (yes, if) because all He incarnated is being threatened by refusal of His penetratingly hard pill to swallow. This slippery slope is in motion right now and in part why there is frantic, neurotic scapegoating, fearful, false, deluded, self-protective, defensive scramble of a social, economic and political tug of war and power grab going on. Exactly the opposite of what is auspiciously required.
I do not at all enjoy being the bearer of seeming “bad news”, yet this act and drama is what Adi Da “ate” every day of His life, even amongst all the remarkably loving and happy and auspicious times, especially poignant in the last years, months and days of His Life. Yes, so much was heart given by so many beings to serve His Purpose! This is because in Satsang, seed Recognition has been activated and remains coincidentally fully available. What Adi Da Accomplished in demonstrating the 7th Stage Way, does not at all guarantee His Work here will survive in this world. Hear what He says intimately and may you come to understand His embodied experience and assessment of humanity’s response. Over the years, Adi Da undoubtedly expected His Feelings in regards to His devotees, humanity as a whole and about His Work, to be rightly, effectively and intelligently communicated to all, yet much has been hidden by a lack of mature ability to deal with the self incriminating evidence and realities of our falling short as devotees. The good news is that the cause of this confusing nightmare is liberated and dissolved in Reality Truth. This is obvious to so many and yet the ecstatic fullness of response has yet to effectively coagulate, and thus manifest the responsive gifts necessary for Siddha Da’s Treasures (Agencies) and Siddhis to remain most auspiciously related to, responsively incarnate, served and aligned and thus lawfully active here. This heart appeal to participate in this now time Reality Consideration of the Bright is open heartedly extended to all of humanity, not only formal devotees. This insight is of momentous importance to break the spell of ego cultism. The collective ability to unite and self-organize undoes the effects of the bite and throttle of dark power, the act that kills the true human heart and spiritually transcendental effectiveness of Divine Intervention.
His Literary Work “The Orpheum: The Tragic History of The Recent Return of Orpheus, or, The First Room In Three Books” is a key consideration to be studied and understood. The Orpheum has yet to be published as per Adi Da's request that it be published by a publisher other than the Adidam (The Dawsn Horse Press).
The Orpheum is a sacred participatory key for sensitization to Him and His Leela of incarnation and not able to be modified by anyone (Adi Da Indicated the The Orpheum cannot be modified by Adidam editors).
True Adidam Ruchiradam is literally all inclusive, One and Only Brightness, where all is re-recognized, illusory separate self/other dynamics, differences are dissolved into and as Conscious Light. Present Adidam is not yet fully embodying this awake awareness. This (awake awareness) is possible as all are Blessed and Adi Da’s Spiritually Transcendental Transmission can be activated, which He said was required for His unique function to continue here to ground, whole bodily responsively LOVED in all-inclusive and all-pervading Love Bliss Being. This is the sacred Relationship to Siddha Adi Da.
If Adidam Ruchiradam was embodied, the culture would flower open, heart embraced effortlessly in fidelity, held to account in the demonstration of unqualified loving and compassionate skilful means to serve access for all in His Divine Treasures. He made clear that if His Treasure are not linked to a True Culture, they are divorced from Him and of no use here! Present time, these gifts are being desecrated, emptied and misused and barely surviving. To say this may sound harsh. But is not abusive nor intended to destroy, it is a necessary insight. It is a wakeup call, “HIS SHOUT”, that must be understood in order to be sensitized to the repercussions of the ego act and drama in relationship to Divine True Love. The apparent history of any individual devotee or the collective is irrelevant unless this root understanding is cooperatively agreed upon and lived, awakened only In Satsang as a Sangha of Bright Reality.
In advance, I am sorry I keep repeating myself....
Listen to what Adi Da says with an open heart, as this life changing insight enables all humanity to live and love in Prior Unity. This is the only Real effective Context and all-embracing Process, As Is; inherently unifying Reality Realization. Therefore, true love, compassion, cooperation, tolerance, peace and freedom, in these horribly destructive dark times, is possible and will embrace and serve all the heart felt open means of any individual, tradition and culture. Adi Da so eloquently speaks of these means to all humanity in “Not-Two Is Peace - The Ordinary People’s Way of Global Cooperative Order”.
Remember, at heart with every breath, this paradoxical esoteric Truth of Siddha Da Speaking:
I am speaking to everyone when I speak into the tape recorder. There is “nobody there”, except “somebody” with a tape recorder. Why is that? I am not just speaking to whoever is in the room with the tape recorder. I am speaking to everybody, literally. I meditate everybody. I am everybody. And I am speaking to everybody, and not to everybody as egos at all. I am simply Revealing Myself in “everyone’s face”. Adi Da 2008